I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
