Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The struggles of a small town man whore
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
