i was born a porn star she said
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
