You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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