Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
