This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
