The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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