think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this will be a night to untag.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
