not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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