I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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