Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My pussy is not your playground.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
