it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
