so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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