If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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