I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
