This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up under a house in Key West
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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