Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
