Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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