Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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