You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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