Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
