I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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