You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
