Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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