so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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