I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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