im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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