Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
