is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize