i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
