You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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