How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
