there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
