the condom got lost in my hair
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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