Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
