I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
