i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
