So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
