Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
