We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think i got beer on your cat.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
