It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
