I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
