I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
