my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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