mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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