Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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