I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize