I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
