I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
