the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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