That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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