I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
