I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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