Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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