So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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