The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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