I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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