think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
