I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
