I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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