So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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