Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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