I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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