If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
